Sunday, May 23, 2004

Those Dangerous Australian People

Today’s subject will be Australia.
In 1996, Australian Prime Minister John Howard announced a new set of super-strict gun laws. The laws included the ban of semi-automatic rifles and shotguns, and created a national gun registry. The ban covers gun ownership, sale, resale, importation, and manufacture. Those brilliant Aussie politicians knew they had the key to fighting crime.

After the passage of the laws, violent crime rates averaged 20% higher, armed robbery went up 67%, aggravated assault rose by 20%, rape increased 11% and murder, attempted murder, and manslaughter rose by 5%.

It didn’t take Australia long to figure out that something was wrong. Gun ownership in Australia is way down, but crime is still high. Confronted with these facts, the Australian politicians came up with the obvious solution: They needed to ban swords as well.

This is not a joke; starting on July 1 swords will be banned in Australia and violators will get six months in jail and a $12,000 fine. The ban holds for all Aussies except for collectors willing to pay $135 per sword, and lock their “weapons” up in safes and install burglar alarms. This will surely have a great affect on the crime rate in Australia.

The Australian politicians must view the citizens they represent as the most dangerous in the world. In fact, not only are guns and swords on the banned list – so are laser pointers with power ratings above class II. G-d forbid a maniac from down-under should get his hands on a contraband laser-pointer.

More about swords: We do not want to suggest that swords don’t have their uses (perish the thought). In Scotland, a man named Carl Lindsay killed a man who broke into his home with a Samurai sword – and got eight years in prison. The other three armed robbers will be out of prison while the man who they tried to rob is still in jail.


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